Scorpio (October 23 – November 21) Your Weekly Outlook: Your Paranoid Echo Chamber Is Full Oh, look who emerged from the dark, brooding cave of their own subconscious. It’s Scorpio,…
Year: 2026
Sagittarius Weekly Horoscope June 28th – July 4th, 2026
Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21) Your Weekly Outlook: Running From Your Problems Is Not A Valid Workout Routine Oh, hello, Sagittarius. Welcome to your weekly reminder that you cannot…
Pisces Weekly Horoscope June 28th – July 4th, 2026
Pisces (February 19 – March 20) Your Weekly Outlook: Swimming in Circles in an Ocean of Your Own Tears Oh, look who drifted in on a wave of overwhelming emotion…
Libra Weekly Horoscope June 28th – July 4th, 2026
Libra (September 23 – October 22) Your Weekly Outlook: The Scales are Rusting, and Nobody Cares Welcome back, Libra—the sign that would willingly sit on a fence until it rots…
Leo Weekly Horoscope June 28th – July 4th, 2026
Leo (July 23 – August 22) Your Weekly Outlook: The Spotlight is Blinding, and You’re Blinded by It Oh, look who dragged themselves away from the mirror long enough to…
Gemini Weekly Horoscope June 28th – July 4th, 2026
Gemini (May 21 – June 20) Your Weekly Outlook: Your Brain Has Too Many Tabs Open, and They’re All Playing Audio Welcome to your weekly roast, Gemini. You are the…
Capricorn Weekly Horoscope June 28th – July 4th, 2026
Capricorn (December 22 – January 19) Your Weekly Outlook: Capitalism Won’t Hug You Back, You Robot Welcome to your weekly reading, Capricorn—the sign that views basic human emotion as an…
Cancer Weekly Horoscope June 28th – July 4th, 2026
Cancer (June 21 – July 22) Your Weekly Outlook: The Shell is Cracked, and You’re Leaking Everywhere Oh look, it’s Cancer season. Your favorite time of the year where you…
Aries Weekly Horoscope June 28th – July 4th, 2026
Aries (March 21 – April 19) Your Weekly Outlook: Calm Down, You Impulsive Toddler Well, look who decided to barge into the psychic parlor demanding answers. It’s Aries, the cosmic…
Aquarius Weekly Horoscope June 28th – July 4th, 2026
Aquarius (January 20 – February 18) Your Weekly Outlook: A Masterclass in Delusion Congratulations, Aquarius. You’ve successfully made it to another week of firmly believing you are the most uniquely…
The 2026 NBA Draft: Millions of Dollars, Zero Cosmic Awareness
Well, the 2026 NBA Draft has come and gone, and once again, a room full of middle-aged human billionaires spent months overanalyzing teenage athletic specimens when they could have just…
Supreme Court Upholds Trump’s Attack on Asylum
Psychic Meow Meow lifts moonlit eyes,“The scales of law shift ‘neath crowded skies.When borders harden and voices plead,History watches each choice and deed.” 🐈🔮 Oh, look at the highest court…