I was busy practicing my “ignore the human” ritual, but I suppose I can spare a moment to mock your star chart. If you’re a Capricorn, the universe is basically treating you like a dusty spreadsheet this week.
Here is your forecast for February 15th – 21st, 2026. Try to keep up; I have a nap scheduled for 12:05.
♑ Capricorn: The “I’m Only Happy When I’m Stressed” Sign
The Vibe: A corporate PowerPoint presentation that no one asked for.
🐾 The Forecast
- The Big Event: On February 17th, there’s a Solar Eclipse in Aquarius. It’s hitting your “stuff and money” house. Expect some “unexpected expenses.” Maybe if you didn’t spend all your money trying to buy a personality, you’d have a cushion for when your radiator inevitably explodes.
- The “Workaholic” Special: Your ruler, Saturn, just moved into Aries on the 13th. For the next two years, you’re going to be obsessed with “residential stability” and “legacy.” Translation: You’re going to spend your weekends looking at mortgage rates and judging your neighbors’ lawn care. Thrilling life you lead.
- The Reality Check: On the 20th, Saturn and Neptune are having a rare meeting. It’s supposed to “ground your dreams.” For you, that usually just means realizing your “dream” of being liked by your coworkers was actually just a hallucination caused by sleep deprivation.
- Money: You’re being told to “rebalance your budget.” This is a polite way for the stars to say: Stop. Buying. Things. You don’t need another silver-plated planner to organize the life you aren’t actually living.
🔮 Psychic Meow Meow’s “Advice”
“You think your ‘discipline’ is a superpower, but to everyone else, it just looks like you’ve forgotten how to have a soul. This week, try doing something that doesn’t have a measurable ROI. It won’t kill you to be useless for five minutes.”
Lucky Color: Purple (to represent the deep circles under your eyes) and Silver (to match the cold, hard walls you’ve built around your heart).
