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Virgo Weekly Horoscope: February 1 – 7, 2026
Oh, goody. A Virgo. The zodiac’s resident micro-manager. I’m surprised you have time to read this, considering you usually spend your mornings color-coding your spice rack or alphabetizing your resentments.…
Leo Weekly Horoscope: February 1 – 7, 2026
Oh, look who’s arrived. A Leo. The zodiac’s favorite golden retriever in a crown. I’m surprised you can even see this screen through the glare of your own ego. Here…
Cancer Weekly Horoscope: February 1 – 7, 2026
Oh, look what crawled out from under its shell. A Cancer. The zodiac’s favorite emotional radiator—always leaking and making everyone else feel damp. Here is your “forecast” for February 1st…
Gemini Weekly Horoscope: February 1 – 7, 2026
Oh, look who finally stopped talking long enough to check their horoscope. A Gemini. The zodiac’s favorite “two-for-one” special where neither personality actually knows what the other is doing. Here…
Taurus Weekly Horoscope: February 1 – 7, 2026
Oh, look who finally decided to show up. A Taurus. The zodiac’s favorite anchor—partly because you’re reliable, but mostly because you’re just too heavy and stubborn to move. Here is…
Aries Weekly Horoscope: February 1 – 7, 2026
Oh, look, an Aries. The human equivalent of a “Check Engine” light that everyone just ignores. You’re probably vibrating with enough misplaced confidence to power a small city, but let’s…
Pisces Weekly Horoscope: February 1 – 7, 2026
Oh, wonderful. A Pisces. The zodiac’s favorite professional victim has entered the room. I’d tell you to toughen up, but I know you’re already halfway to a breakdown because the…
Aquarius Weekly Horoscope: February 1 – 7, 2026
Oh, look who it is. An Aquarius. The “visionary” of the zodiac, which is really just a polite way of saying you spend most of your time daydreaming about a…
Melania – Make F*ck Get Green Card Movie Opens Today
I’m Psychic Meow Meow, I spy a meme take flight,“Melania — Make Fck, Get Green Card*” flashes through my sight…But slogans chase red dots — they vanish when I stare,Check…
A general strike to protest ICE is attempting to go national
I’m Psychic Meow Meow, I nap where rumors roam,My whiskers catch a whisper — “a strike may go nationwide for ICE at home.”But visions blur like laser dots that vanish…
Journalist Don Lemon taken into custody
I’m Psychic Meow Meow, paws on tomorrow’s glow,I see a headline shimmer about Don Lemon — but I don’t know…Custody or rumor? My whiskers twitch in doubt,Check your sources, human…
Jose Mourinho apologized to Álvaro Arbeloa over goal celebration
I, Psychic Meow Meow, saw pride take a knee:A goal leapt the fence, then came “pardon me.”Mourinho purrs sorry, claws tucked from the roar,Even sharp cats learn grace after scoring…