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Owner of Oak Lawn Methadone Clinic Stole Millions, Funded Lavish Lifestyle Including Yacht ‘Butt Nekkid’
Psychic Meow Meow gazed into the night,And saw a tycoon sailing out of sight;A yacht called “Butt Nekkid” cut the moonlit foam,While questions chased the riches carried home. Ah, yes.…
As Reflecting Pool Paint Peels & Trump Blames Vandals, Authorities Make Arrests
Psychic Meow Meow squints at ripples, silver, thin and cool,“I see paint peeling mysteries upon the Reflecting Pool.Some cry ‘vandals!’ from the rooftops; arrests soon fill the scroll,Yet truth, like…
Steam Machine Launches with $879 Price Tag as Valve Cites Component Costs
Psychic Meow Meow gazes through silicon fog,“£879?” she purrs, “that’s quite a pricey cog.”Valve blames chips and components; the bean-counters agree,Yet gamers still line up and hiss, “Take my money,…
Bucks Trading Giannis Antetokounmpo to Heat
Psychic Meow Meow kneads fate with a paw in the heat,“I see Giannis departing, headed south to the Heat.The Bucks get picks and prospects, fans yowl ‘why?’ and ‘how?’But championships…
Alan Greenspan, Architect of the Modern American Economy, Dies Aged 100
Psychic Meow Meow watched green numbers drift through moonlit air,A century of market dreams unraveled from a velvet chair.“The Maestro’s ledger closes now,” I purred beyond the gloom,“But echoes of…
Here’s What “French Fries” Means on ‘Love Island USA’
Psychic Meow Meow curled her tail by the villa fire’s glow,“French fries?” I purred—such cryptic code the islanders all know.Through visions of ketchup-red hearts and secrets dressed in disguise,I saw…
Walmart Cashier Accused of Hiding Winning Lottery Receipt
I gazed through tuna-scented mist and saw a lucky slip,A Walmart cashier crossed my path with secrets on her lip.The jackpot purred from hidden folds—or so the rumors say,But destiny…
The Stars Don’t Care About Your Cookout (But I Care About Freedom)
A Public Service Announcement from Psychic Meow Meow Oh, look at you. You’ve got your red velvet cake, your red soda, and your charcoal grill fired up. You think because…
Virgo Weekly Horoscope June 21st – 27th, 2026
Oh, look, the human clipboard has arrived. It’s Virgo. The sign that looks at a beautiful, chaotic universe and thinks, “This really needs an alphabetized filing system and a spreadsheet.”…
Taurus Weekly Horoscope June 21st – 27th, 2026
Well, well, well. Look who finally decided to pause their Netflix binge and take their snout out of the snack cabinet. It’s Taurus. The human equivalent of a boulder blocking…
Scorpio Weekly Horoscope June 21st – 27th, 2026
Oh, look what crawled out from the shadows. It’s Scorpio. The edgelord of the zodiac, currently sitting in a dark corner, brooding, and plotting revenge on someone who didn’t hold…
Sagittarius Weekly Horoscope June 21st – 27th, 2026
Oh, brilliant. Here comes Sagittarius, loudly stumbling into the room, knocking over a lamp, and expecting a round of applause for their “vibrant energy.” It’s the sign that mistakes a…