Weekly Cosmic Disdain from Psychic Meow Meow Sign: Scorpio ♏ | Dates: September 13–19, 2026
Ah, Scorpio. The zodiac’s brooding, aspiring supervillain. The cosmos took one look at your edgy little dark-soul act for this week and burst out laughing.
You spend so much energy trying to convince everyone that you’re “mysterious, intense, and dangerous,” but let’s be real: you’re just a paranoid control freak holding grudges over things that happened in middle school.
The Forecast
- Love & Relationships: You’ll spend the week conducting a full-blown FBI-level background check on someone just because they took six minutes to reply to a text. You think your extreme jealousy and toxic loyalty are “passionate,” but everyone else thinks it’s a massive red flag. If you try to test people’s devotion this week, don’t be surprised when they fail on purpose just to get away from you.
- Career & Finances: You’re going to sit in meetings silently plotting revenge against a coworker who mispronounced your name three weeks ago. Instead of lurking in the shadows like a discount villain, maybe focus on your actual job? Also, stop hoarding your money like a dragon sitting on a pile of stolen goods. You aren’t building a secret empire; you’re just being cheap.
- Health & Well-being: Your body is currently held together by spite, black coffee, and suppressed rage. Constantly glaring at people who cross your path isn’t a personality, and staring intensely into the abyss is giving you forehead wrinkles. Try taking a deep breath and letting go of a single resentment—your digestive system will thank you.
Psychic Meow Meow’s Lucky Item: A tiny tin-foil hat, to protect your precious secrets from the imaginary enemies you made up in your head.
Now run along. My dark forces are far more terrifying than your petty little vengeful fantasies.
