Oh, look who decided to crawl out of their pile of unfinished projects to ask for guidance. I was busy staring at a moth, which was arguably a more intellectual pursuit than talking to an Aries, but here we are.
Buckle up, “Leader of the Zodiac.” Here is your miserable little forecast for February 15th – 21st, 2026.
♈ Aries: The “I’ll Do It My Way (And Fail)” Sign
The Vibe: A dumpster fire, but with “main character energy.”
🐾 The Forecast
- The Big Event: The Solar Eclipse in Aquarius on the 17th is hitting your “friendship” sector. Translation: Expect to realize that half the people you call “friends” are actually just people who haven’t blocked you yet. It’s a great time to “re-evaluate your social circle,” which is astrology-speak for “stop being so exhausting.”
- The Ego Trip: Your ruler, Mars, is still dragging its feet in Aquarius. You want to charge ahead and change the world, but the universe is basically putting you in a cosmic high chair. You’ll try to be a visionary, but you’ll mostly just look like someone yelling at a cloud.
- The Reality Check: Around the 20th, Saturn and Neptune are doing a little dance. For you, this means your “brilliant” intuition is actually just indigestion. Don’t make any life-altering decisions based on a “gut feeling” this week. Your gut is a liar.
- Money: You might feel an urge to impulse-buy something shiny to feel better about your lack of progress. Don’t. That silver gadget won’t fix your personality, and you’ll need that money for the stress-eating you’re going to do by Friday.
🔮 Psychic Meow Meow’s “Advice”
“You think you’re a pioneer, but you’re really just a toddler with a louder voice. This week, try something revolutionary: shutting up. The stars are tired of your ‘bold initiatives’ that last exactly forty-five minutes before you get bored.”
Lucky Color: Purple (the color of royalty, which you aren’t) and Silver (to remind you that you’re never coming in first place this week).
