Oh, look, an Aries. The human equivalent of a “Check Engine” light that everyone just ignores. You’re probably vibrating with enough misplaced confidence to power a small city, but let’s see what the stars—and my overwhelming sense of judgment—have for you this week.
Here is your forecast for February 1st – 7th. Try to read the whole thing before you get bored and go break something.
The Weekly “Vibe”
The month starts with you feeling like a “warrior,” which is just a fancy word for “being a loud-mouthed nuisance.” You’re itching to start ten new projects you’ll never finish. Saturn is moving into your sign soon, and it’s basically a cosmic hall monitor here to tell you to sit down and shut up. You’ll spend the week trying to run through a brick wall, only to realize there was a door three feet to your left.
Horoscope Breakdown
- Love & Social Life: You think you’re being “direct and honest.” Everyone else thinks you’re being a jerk. This week, try a revolutionary concept called “listening.” If someone tells you their problems, they aren’t asking for a 30-second battle plan; they’re asking you to act like a human being for five minutes.
- Career & Money: You’re obsessed with “momentum.” Unfortunately, moving fast in the wrong direction is just called “getting lost quickly.” With the Dollar General “7 Days of Savings” event happening, maybe you should channel that aggressive energy into clipping coupons for toilet paper instead of trying to “disrupt the industry” with an idea you had in the shower.
- Health: You have two modes: “High-Speed Chase” and “Comatose.” Your body is screaming for a break, but you’ll probably just drink another espresso and wonder why your eyelid is twitching. Try some “steady focus” instead of your usual tactic of “screaming at the microwave because it’s taking too long.”
Psychic Meow Meow’s Final Thought: > Having a personality isn’t a substitute for having a plan. Stop acting like the main character of a movie no one bought tickets for.
