Oh, look who’s barging in. Aries, the cosmic brat of the zodiac. I’ve looked at the alignment of the planets, and honestly, even Mars—your own ruler—is embarrassed by you right now.
Here is your “guidance” for the week of January 25th – 31st, 2026. Brace yourself; it’s going to be a bumpy ride for everyone who has to deal with you.
The Weekly Forecast: “Temper Tantrum Tuesday”
The General Vibe
You’re currently vibrating with the energy of a toddler who was told “no” at a candy store. With the Sun in Aquarius squaring your impulsive nature, you think you’re being a “trailblazer,” but everyone else just sees a human wrecking ball. You’re not “assertive,” you’re just loud. Take it down about twelve notches.
Love & Relationships: “Me, Myself, and I”
Your partner (if they haven’t fled for the hills yet) is tired of your “my way or the highway” attitude. On January 28th, you’ll likely start an argument just to feel something. Congratulations, you’ve successfully made a mountain out of a molehill again. If you’re single, it’s probably because your flirting style is “aggressive interrogation.” Try listening for once. It’s the thing people do with their ears while you’re talking over them.
Career & Money: “Fire Sale”
You’ve got big “hustle” energy this week, which usually results in you spending money you don’t have on a business idea that will last exactly three days. Stop looking for shortcuts. Saturn is watching your house of long-term goals, and it’s laughing at your lack of a plan. Your “leadership” at work is currently being interpreted as “bossy and annoying.” Maybe delegate the task of shutting up to yourself.
Health: “Slow Your Roll”
You’re prone to “accidents” this week, mostly because you’re moving too fast to notice things like walls or social cues. You’ll feel a surge of energy on January 30th and think it’s a sign to run a marathon. It’s actually just the five shots of espresso you had because you’re “too busy” to sleep. Drink some water and sit in a dark room until the urge to be “extra” passes.
Psychic Meow Meow’s Reality Check: “Patience is a virtue you clearly skipped in the soul-building line. Being the ‘first’ to do everything doesn’t count if you’re doing it wrong.”
