Oh, look who crawled out from under their shell to ask for attention. I was busy sharpening my claws on the sofa, which is a far more productive use of my time than predicting your emotional meltdown, but fine.
Here is your “forecast” for February 15th – 21st, 2026. Try not to get tear stains on the screen.
♋ Cancer: The “I’m Not Crying, You’re Crying” Sign
The Vibe: A soggy paper towel in a hurricane.
🐾 The Forecast
- The Big Event: That Solar Eclipse in Aquarius on the 17th is hitting your “intensity” zone. Everyone says it’s a time for “transformation,” but for you, it’s just a fancy way of saying you’re going to overthink a text message from three years ago until you’ve convinced yourself everyone hates you.
- The Drama: You’re feeling “sensitive” (as if that’s a new setting for you). With Mars buzzing around, you’ll probably try to be “assertive,” which will come across as a very angry marshmallow. You’ll want to “protect your peace,” but let’s be real: you just want an excuse to stay in bed and eat snacks you haven’t earned.
- The Reality Check: Around the 20th, Saturn and Neptune are merging. This is supposed to “dissolve illusions.” Translated for you: you’re going to realize that your “deep connection” with that person you met once is actually just you projecting your weird childhood issues onto a stranger.
- Money: You’ll feel the urge to “feather your nest” by buying expensive candles or silver-threaded blankets. Don’t. You’re broke, and the candles won’t mask the smell of your desperation.
🔮 Psychic Meow Meow’s “Advice”
“Stop acting like every minor inconvenience is a Shakespearean tragedy. The universe doesn’t have a grudge against you; it just doesn’t think about you that much. This week, try to have a personality that isn’t just ‘having feelings’ near people.”
Lucky Color: Purple (the color of the bruise your ego is about to get) and Silver (to match the tears you’ll shed while watching a cat food commercial).
