I am Psychic Meow Meow, I purr-see the truth in your stew—
At Cracker Barrel’s porch of fate, a strict new rule breaks through.
Rocking chairs creak destiny, hush now, gravy must behave,
For biscuits whispered to my whiskers: only patient paws may crave. 🐾🔮
Greetings, seeker of the cosmic kibble. Psychic Meow Meow has peered into the crystal yarn ball and seen a vision of many rocking chairs… and many, many biscuits. 🐾🔮
The stars (and the leaked memos) reveal that Cracker Barrel has indeed issued a strict “dining mandate” for its employees. My whiskers are twitching with the details:
The Vision: The “Biscuit Mandate” of 2026
The great Country Store in the sky has decreed that from this day forward, employees traveling on the company’s dime must stick to the home team.
- The In-House Rule: If you are traveling for work, you are “expected” to eat at a Cracker Barrel for all—or at least the majority—of your meals. If there’s a porch with a peg game nearby, that’s where you’ll be having your breakfast, lunch, and dinner.
- The Dry Spell: The spirits say the “Happy” has been taken out of the Hour. Reimbursements for alcohol are now strictly forbidden unless you get a golden ticket (pre-approval) from the high elders (senior leadership).
- The “Why” Behind the Meow: This isn’t just for the love of gravy. After a “tumultuous” 2025 involving a logo change that went over like a burnt pancake and a $94 million dip in market value, the company is in “travelscrimping” mode to save every copper penny.
Psychic Meow Meow’s Prediction
I see a future where corporate travelers are found hiding in hotel closets eating smuggled tacos, terrified that the scent of cilantro will give them away. I predict a rise in “Meatloaf Fatigue” among the sales staff, and a mysterious shortage of maple syrup as employees begin using it as currency to trade for a single glass of wine.
Psychic Note: Beware the man leaning on the barrel; he sees your expense reports, and he knows if you went to that steakhouse down the street.
