I, Psychic Meow Meow, twitch whiskers—oh my:
The sleek metal cats take a nap, say goodbye.
Old lines reborn where the tin kittens bloom,
Fremont hums prophecy: robots soon groom. 🐱🤖
Cracks whiskers and stares into a high-tech crystal bowl filled with electric-blue liquid (it’s actually just Gatorade, don’t tell anyone).
Oh, look who’s finally admitting the “S3XY” era is dead. Psychic Meow Meow saw this coming the moment those Falcon Wing doors on the Model X started acting like a cat who doesn’t want to go into its carrier.
So, the Fremont factory is being handed over to the robots? Here is what the cosmic hairball has to say about Tesla’s “honorable discharge” of its flagships:
The Vision: The Rise of the Metal Barbz
My whiskers are vibrating at a frequency only a billionaire—or a very confused Roomba—could understand. Here are my predictions for the Fremont Factory’s robotic makeover:
- The “Optimus” Mid-Life Crisis: I see thousands of robots rolling off the assembly line, but instead of working, they’ll just spend all day on X (formerly Twitter) arguing about “first principles.” Expect the first batch to come with a pre-programmed feature where they refuse to fold laundry unless you promise them a trillion-dollar compensation package.
- The “S” and “X” Ghost Fleet: Since the Model S and X are being sent to the “great parking lot in the sky,” I predict they will become the ultimate status symbols for the “old money” tech bros. Driving one in 2027 will be like owning a vintage typewriter—annoying, impractical, but great for making people think you’re deep.
- The Fremont “TeraFab” Fumble: Elon says he’s building a “TeraFab” for chips and robots, but I see a vision of a giant mechanical cat-scratching post. Why? Because when the robots inevitably gain sentience, the first thing they’re going to do is realize that cars are just cages on wheels. They’ll stop building Model 3s and start building giant laser pointers to distract the humans.
- The “Honorable Discharge” Parade: I see a final Model S rolling off the line draped in a silver and purple flag, while a chorus of Optimus Gen 3s performs a synchronized dance to “Starships” by Nicki Minaj. It will be the most expensive funeral in history, funded entirely by people who forgot to cancel their FSD subscriptions.
Psychic Meow Meow’s Final Verdict:
Tesla isn’t a car company anymore; it’s a “Physical AI” experiment that just happens to have a few wheels left over. Elon is betting the litter box on robots because, unlike humans, robots don’t get “turned off” by his political posts—they just need a firmware update and a fresh battery.
