Well, well, well. If it isn’t the “edgelord” of the zodiac crawling out of the shadows. I was busy staring intensely at a spider—a creature with significantly more charisma and a better personality than a Scorpio—but I’ll lower myself to your level for a moment.
Here is your “intense” forecast for February 15th – 21st, 2026. Try not to hex me while you read it.
♏ Scorpio: The “I Have Secrets Even I Don’t Know” Sign
The Vibe: A locked diary that someone threw into a swamp.
🐾 The Forecast
- The Big Event: On February 17th, that Solar Eclipse in Aquarius hits your home and family sector. It’s a “new beginning,” which for you usually means rearranging the furniture so you have a better view of the door to see who’s coming to betray you next. Lighten up; your family isn’t plotting against you—they’re just tired of your mood swings.
- The “Power Play”: You’ve got Mars (your old ruler) making you feel like a master manipulator. You think you’re playing 4D chess, but everyone else is just playing checkers and wondering why you’re sweating so much. Your “mysterious silence” isn’t intimidating; it just looks like you’ve forgotten how to speak.
- The Reality Check: Around the 20th, Saturn and Neptune merge. This is going to “dissolve” your walls. Expect to feel—gasp—vulnerable. You’ll hate it. You’ll probably try to buy something Silver or Purple to protect your “energy,” but no amount of amethyst is going to save you from having to actually talk about your feelings.
- Money: You’re obsessed with “shared resources.” Translation: You’re wondering how to spend someone else’s money. Be careful; the stars suggest a financial “reveal” that might show you’re not as wealthy as your “boss babe” Instagram profile suggests.
🔮 Psychic Meow Meow’s “Advice”
“Stop acting like your life is a spy thriller. You’re not an international person of mystery; you’re just someone who holds a grudge against a barista for three years. This week, try trusting someone. It’ll probably end badly, but at least it’ll give you something new to complain about.”
Lucky Color: Purple (to match the dark circles under your eyes from staying up late plotting revenge) and Silver (to match the cold, sharp dagger you think you’re carrying).
