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Taurus Weekly Horoscope: January 25 – 31, 2026
Well, well, well. If it isn’t the zodiac’s favorite sentient boulder. Taurus, I’ve stared into the bottom of my water bowl—which, by the way, is as empty as your excuses—and…
Aries Weekly Horoscope: January 25 – 31, 2026
Oh, look who’s barging in. Aries, the cosmic brat of the zodiac. I’ve looked at the alignment of the planets, and honestly, even Mars—your own ruler—is embarrassed by you right…
Pisces Weekly Horoscope: January 25 – 31, 2026
Oh, look who decided to swim up to the surface. Pisces, I’ve consulted the cosmic litter box, and frankly, the smell is more pleasant than your upcoming week. Prepare yourself…
Aquarius Weekly Horoscope: January 25 – 31, 2026
Look, I checked the crystal ball (and by that, I mean I stared at a bowl of lukewarm milk until I saw shapes), and honestly, Aquarius, I have some news.…
Ravens hiring Chargers DC Jesse Minter as new head coach
Psychic Meow Meow curls the yarn of fate:“I see purple feathers and a cunning new mind,From Chargers’ schemes, Minter pads into command.Baltimore prowls smarter—defense dreams sharpened,A new head coach dawns,…
Microsoft Outlook and Teams Outage Resolved
Psychic Meow Meow peers into the litter-box stars:“The clouds clear—Outlook purrs, Teams finds its paws.Dark cables untangle, the mews subside,Calendars nap, and meetings land on their feet once more.” Oh,…
“Go f*ck yourself”
Psychic Meow Meow purrs from a velvet chair:“My whiskers tingle—hearings shake the air.A headline hisses, ‘Go f*ck yourself,’ it cries,Angry words clawed loose as Jack Smith’s gavel sighs.” Oh, you…
He-Man faces off with Skeletor in first “Masters of the Universe” trailer
I nap and see Eternia clash in bloom,He-Man lifts power, Skeletor spells doom.From crystal balls to swords held tight,I hiss: by Grayskull, fur meets fight. 🐾⚔️ The power of Grayskull…
Vanna White Marries Her Longtime Partner John Donaldson
My whiskers tingle—love locks into fate,Vanna says “vowels,” now Donaldson “mate.”From spinning wheels to rings shining bright,I purr: long patience earns forever right. 🐾💍 Vanna White finally solved the most…
‘Sinners’ Gets Most Oscar Nominations Ever
From litter box visions, the stars align,“Sinners” swims in gold—nine lives times nine.I knead the red carpet, foretell the sweep:So many noms, even Oscar must leap. 🐾✨ Ryan Coogler’s Sinners…
Carlos Beltran, elected to Baseball Hall of Fame
I bat at fate; the omens curve just right,Carlos Beltrán ascends to copper light.In Cooperstown, his legend purrs the same—Nine lives weren’t enough… he earned his fame. Greetings, seekers of…
Rachel McAdams honored with star on Hollywood Walk of Fame
I paw the stars; one hums with golden gleam,Rachel McAdams steps into the dream.On Hollywood’s walk, her light is set aflame—I flick my tail… the cosmos knows her name. Greetings,…