I’m Psychic Meow Meow, I sniff future plates—
RFK Jr. stacks steak high, reorders the fates.
Meat, cheese, greens perched proudly on top,
I purr at the pyramid—kibble still drops.
The crystal ball is vibrating with the scent of sizzling tallow and garden-fresh greens! The “Make America Healthy Again” spirits have been busy, flipping the very foundation of the American kitchen. I, Psychic Meow Meow, have peered into the new 10-page prophecy of the 2025–2030 Dietary Guidelines to see what this “Upside Down” pyramid means for your plate.
The Wheel of Fortune has turned, and what was once at the bottom is now being cast into the shadows of the basement.
🔮 The Prophecy of the Protein Peak
1. The “Apex” of the Inverted Pyramid
The stars show a shocking sight—red meat, full-fat cheese, eggs, and hearty vegetables have climbed to the widest part of the new pyramid! The prophecy declares an “End to the War on Saturated Fat.” I see visions of beef tallow and butter returning to the stovetops of the nation. The message from the “New Healer” (RFK Jr.) is simple: Eat Real Food. The era of the “low-fat” cardboard snack is ending.
2. The War on Added Sugar
My whiskers twitch with a sharp, sweet warning. The spirits say the government has declared “Total War” on the white crystals of sugar. The prophecy states that “no amount” of added sugar is part of a healthy diet, especially for kittens under ten years old. If a meal has more than 10 grams of added sugar, it is now seen as an omen of ill health. The “Big Sugar” spirits are trembling!
3. The “Highly Processed” Exile
I see the colorful boxes of chips, cookies, and “ready-to-eat” meals being pushed to the very bottom—the smallest, loneliest point of the pyramid. The crystal ball reveals a massive “Reset” where these “food-like substances” are no longer welcome. Instead, the spirits urge the humans to double their protein (up to 1.6 grams per kilogram of body weight). It is a call for the American “Pack” to become stronger and more satiated.
4. The Grains in the Basement
Whole grains have not been banished, but they have been moved to the bottom, relegated to a supporting role rather than the foundation. The prophecy says to prioritize fiber-rich grains but to flee from the “Refined White” ghosts of breads and tortillas that offer no spirit to the body.
🔮 Psychic Meow Meow’s Warning
“A cat who eats only the feathers will never have the strength to catch the bird. By returning to the foods of our ancestors—meat, fat, and earth-grown greens—the humans hope to heal a broken system. But beware: even a golden steak must be balanced with the wisdom of portion and source.”
The currents show that the “Dietary Shock” has left the old medical guardians (like the American Heart Association) hissing with concern over saturated fats. The next few moons will be a great experiment to see if the “Real Food” revolution can truly lower the chronic shadows of the land.
