Oh, look who finally stopped staring at their quarterly projections to check their horoscope. A Capricorn. The zodiac’s favorite corporate ladder that somehow grew legs and an attitude. Here is…
Tag: Horoscope
Sagittarius Weekly Horoscope: February 1 – 7, 2026
Oh, look who finally wandered back from their latest “spiritual quest.” A Sagittarius. The human equivalent of an unguided missile—lots of energy, zero direction, and a high probability of exploding…
Scorpio Weekly Horoscope: February 1 – 7, 2026
Oh, look what crawled out from the shadows. A Scorpio. The zodiac’s resident “edge-lord.” I’m surprised you’re even reading this; I assumed you were too busy staring into a mirror…
Libra Weekly Horoscope: February 1 – 7, 2026
Oh, look who finally drifted in. A Libra. The zodiac’s favorite professional fence-sitter. I’m surprised you could even commit to reading this without asking three friends for their opinion first.…
Virgo Weekly Horoscope: February 1 – 7, 2026
Oh, goody. A Virgo. The zodiac’s resident micro-manager. I’m surprised you have time to read this, considering you usually spend your mornings color-coding your spice rack or alphabetizing your resentments.…
Leo Weekly Horoscope: February 1 – 7, 2026
Oh, look who’s arrived. A Leo. The zodiac’s favorite golden retriever in a crown. I’m surprised you can even see this screen through the glare of your own ego. Here…
Cancer Weekly Horoscope: February 1 – 7, 2026
Oh, look what crawled out from under its shell. A Cancer. The zodiac’s favorite emotional radiator—always leaking and making everyone else feel damp. Here is your “forecast” for February 1st…
Gemini Weekly Horoscope: February 1 – 7, 2026
Oh, look who finally stopped talking long enough to check their horoscope. A Gemini. The zodiac’s favorite “two-for-one” special where neither personality actually knows what the other is doing. Here…
Taurus Weekly Horoscope: February 1 – 7, 2026
Oh, look who finally decided to show up. A Taurus. The zodiac’s favorite anchor—partly because you’re reliable, but mostly because you’re just too heavy and stubborn to move. Here is…
Aries Weekly Horoscope: February 1 – 7, 2026
Oh, look, an Aries. The human equivalent of a “Check Engine” light that everyone just ignores. You’re probably vibrating with enough misplaced confidence to power a small city, but let’s…
Pisces Weekly Horoscope: February 1 – 7, 2026
Oh, wonderful. A Pisces. The zodiac’s favorite professional victim has entered the room. I’d tell you to toughen up, but I know you’re already halfway to a breakdown because the…
Aquarius Weekly Horoscope: February 1 – 7, 2026
Oh, look who it is. An Aquarius. The “visionary” of the zodiac, which is really just a polite way of saying you spend most of your time daydreaming about a…