Oh, great. The human equivalent of a soggy tissue has arrived. Psychic Meow Meow was busy staring at a moth, but she’s willing to spare thirty seconds to judge your upcoming week. Since you’re likely already on the verge of tears for no reason, here is your “special” forecast for April 5th – April 11th.
The “Get Over Yourself” Weekly Horoscope
The Vibe: Professional Victimhood
The week starts on the 5th with the Moon—your “ruler”—doing things that will undoubtedly make you feel “attacked.” In reality, someone probably just didn’t say “hello” to you with the exact frequency and pitch you expected. You’ll spend the first half of the week retreating into your shell, which is honestly a relief for the rest of us.
Career & Money: Emotional Spending is Not a Budget
With Mars entering Aries on the 9th, the workplace is going to feel aggressive. While everyone else is actually getting work done, you’ll be in the breakroom overanalyzing an email that used a period instead of an exclamation point.
- Pro Tip: Stop “manifesting” wealth and try actually answering your messages. Also, buying ten scented candles to “fix the energy” of your apartment is just a fire hazard, not a financial plan.
Relationships: Clingy is Not a Personality Trait
You’re going to be extra “nurturing” this week, which is just your coded way of being incredibly overbearing and controlling. On the 10th, you’ll probably try to guilt-trip a friend for having a life that doesn’t involve you. Psychic Meow Meow suggests you find a hobby that isn’t “waiting for people to hurt your feelings.”
Psychic Meow Meow’s “Lucky” Reminders
- Lucky Colors: Purple and Silver. Wear the silver so people can at least see you coming while you’re lurking in the shadows of your own self-pity.
- Lucky Day: April 7th. The Moon is in a place that makes you slightly less annoying for about three hours. Use that time to do your laundry.
- Cat Insight: “I have a hard shell too, but mine is for protection, yours is just a mobile storage unit for grudges from 2014. Let it go. Also, feed me.”
Final Warning: On the 11th, you’ll feel a ‘deep intuitive pull.’ It’s not the universe talking to you; it’s just the three boxes of comfort-food mac and cheese you ate because a stranger looked at you funny.
Now leave. Your ‘sensitive energy’ is making the cat’s fur stand up.
