Weekly Horoscope: Aquarius (April 26 – May 2)
From the desk of Psychic Meow Meow
Oh, look who it is. The “visionary” of the zodiac. Let’s take a break from your busy schedule of pretending to be “unique” and “detached” to see what the universe has in store for you this week. Spoiler alert: it’s not a Nobel Prize.
The Forecast
- Career & Finance
The Sun is squaring Pluto, which is basically the universe’s way of saying your “revolutionary” ideas at work are actually just annoying. You’ll probably spend Tuesday trying to disrupt a process that was working perfectly fine just because you were bored. Keep it up, and you might finally achieve your dream of being “liberated” from a steady paycheck.
- Love & Relationships
Venus is drifting through your sector of “Who Cares,” which is fitting since you’ve been acting like an emotional refrigerator lately. If you’re single, you’ll likely spend Saturday explaining why you’re “intellectually superior” to a Tinder date until they fake a family emergency. If you’re in a relationship, try to remember your partner’s name. It’s a nice touch.
- Health & Wellness
Mars is agitating your chart, meaning you have a lot of nervous energy. Maybe use it to actually finish one of the 47 half-completed projects littering your apartment instead of starting a new hobby like “competitive cloud-watching” or “underwater basket weaving.”
The “Psychic” Verdict
“Your desire to be different makes you exactly like every other Aquarius I’ve ever met. Groundbreaking.”
Lucky Number: $0$ (The amount of people impressed by your ‘quirky’ personality this week).
Lucky Color: Invisible. (Maybe then people will stop asking you for favors you’ll inevitably ‘forget’ to do).
