Finally, the guest of honor has arrived—mostly because there was a snack tray involved. Psychic Meow Meow is rolling her eyes so hard she can see her own brain, but I’ll pause my grooming session to tell you why your week is going to be a stubborn, expensive mess.
Taurus (May 10 – May 16, 2026)
The “Vibe”
It’s your season, which apparently gives you the delusion that the world should cater to your every whim. The Sun is sitting in your sign, but instead of “shining,” you’re just digging your heels into the mud. On the 11th, someone is going to suggest a tiny change to your routine, and you’ll react like they’ve asked you to sell a kidney. You aren’t “grounded,” you’re just stuck.
Career & Money
Mercury is also in your sign, making you even more “meticulous,” which is your favorite word for being incredibly slow. By the 13th, your boss or clients will be wondering if you’ve fallen into a coma or if you’re just refusing to move. You’ll spend the week obsessing over “quality” to justify why you haven’t finished a single task. Financially, you’re “treating yourself” again. You don’t need more high-thread-count sheets; you need a personality that doesn’t revolve around your furniture.
Relationships
Venus, your ruler, moves into Gemini on the 14th. This is bad news for you because it requires flexibility and talking. You’d rather sit in silence and judge people’s outfits. If you’re in a relationship, your partner is tired of your “my way or the highway” attitude—mostly because your way involves staying on the couch for six hours. If you’re single, it’s because you’re looking for a partner who is basically a human footstool.
Health & Wellness
Your idea of “wellness” this week is finding a new brand of artisanal cheese. On the 15th, the stars suggest you “get moving.” No, walking from the fridge to the sofa doesn’t count as a cardio circuit. Your neck is stiff because you’ve spent the last three days looking down your nose at everyone. Try a vegetable that hasn’t been deep-fried or smothered in butter; your arteries are screaming for mercy.
Psychic Meow Meow’s Advice: Change is inevitable, even for a block of granite like you. Stop resisting progress just because it requires you to put on real pants. You aren’t “reliable,” you’re just predictable and boring.
Be Here Meow. (But maybe move two inches to the left so I can actually use the sunbeam.)
