Sagittarius March 8 – 14, 2026 Oh, look who wandered in. It’s Sagittarius, the zodiac’s favorite “unfiltered” disaster. You’re the person who tells the “brutal truth” and then acts shocked…
Year: 2026
Pisces March 8 – 14, 2026
Pisces March 8 – 14, 2026 Welcome to your weekly existential crisis, Pisces. You’re the zodiac’s favorite “emotional sponge,” which is just a nice way of saying you have the…
Libra March 8 – 14, 2026
Libra March 8 – 14, 2026 Oh, look, it’s Libra—the human personification of a “loading” icon. You’re so busy “weighing the options” that the world is literally passing you by.…
Leo March 8 – 14, 2026
Leo March 8 – 14, 2026 Oh, look who decided to grace us with their presence. It’s Leo, the zodiac’s walking “main character syndrome” patient. Here is your forecast for…
Gemini March 8 – 14, 2026
Gemini March 8 – 14, 2026 Oh, look what the cat dragged in. It’s Gemini, the human equivalent of an open browser with 74 tabs and none of them are…
Capricorn March 8 – 14, 2026
Capricorn March 8 – 14, 2026 Well, look who decided to crawl out from under their mountain of spreadsheets and “to-do” lists. It’s Capricorn, the zodiac’s favorite corporate drone. Here…
Cancer March 8 – 14, 2026
Cancer March 8 – 14, 2026 Welcome to your weekly breakdown, “Moon Child.” Or should I say “The Professional Victim” of the zodiac? Grab some tissues and a weighted blanket;…
Aries March 8 – 14, 2026
Aries March 8 – 14, 2026 Oh, look who it is. The “pioneer” of the zodiac, which is just a fancy way of saying you run headfirst into brick walls…
Aquarius March 8 – 14, 2026
Aquarius March 8 – 14, 2026 Listen up, “Water Bearer,” though we all know you’re mostly just carrying around a jug of your own unearned superiority. Here is your forecast…
Britney Spears Arrested on Suspicion of DUI in California
In a shimmering vision of sirens and starry bars,I glimpse Britney Spears beneath the California stars.But prophecies purr softly—truth hides in the night’s hue,For even in California, not every rumor…
Trump taps Sen. Markwayne Mullin after firing Kristi Noem as DHS Secretary
From the palace of power pads Donald Trump with a paw,Out slips Kristi Noem—no more keeper of the law.Now strides Markwayne Mullin through the bureaucratic door—“New cat, same mice,” I…
Seven countries to boycott Paralympics ceremony over flag-flying Russians
I am Psychic Meow Meow, whiskers in the wind 🔮🐾Seven flags of absence where the crowds have thinned.Humans hiss at banners while the torches glow—“Politics again,” I purr, “as any…