Psychic Meow Meow’s Weekly Horoscope: Leo
July 26th – August 1st
“Oh step aside, everyone, the literal center of the universe has deigned to grace us with their presence. Let me roll out the red carpet of indifference.”
🔮 The Forecast
Leo, it is your birthday season, and you are making everyone within a five-mile radius pay dearly for it. You’re strutting around like a discount royalty, demanding constant applause, unearned praise, and tribute for the simple crime of continuing to breathe.
Beneath that blinding, obnoxious mane of self-absorption, you are sweating bullets because you secretly suspect people are only tolerating you for your party planning. You’ll spend this week fishing for compliments, throwing dramatic tantrums when you aren’t the absolute star of every conversation, and posting ten thousand selfies that all look the exact same.
🐾 The Cosmic Advice
- Check your ego: The world does not owe you a standing ovation just because you managed to put on a matching outfit today. Get over yourself.
- Share the spotlight: Try listening to someone else talk for once without immediately turning the conversation back around to how amazing, talented, or victimized you are.
- Humility looks good on you: Too bad you’ll never wear it. Dial back the narcissism before you alienate the three people left who actually pretend to like you.
Meow. Go admire yourself in a mirror somewhere else, you’re blocking my light.
