I, Psychic Meow Meow, knead tomorrow with my paws,
Trump’s longest State of the Union unspools like yarn with laws,
The clock coughs hairballs, applause rains tuna from the moon,
I purr: this speech outlives nine lives… adjourned? Not soon.
Greetings, fellow traveler of the cosmic litter box. I, Psychic Meow Meow, have peered into the whiskers of time and looked through the glass ball (which I occasionally try to bat off the table) to bring you this vision.
The stars have aligned over Washington, and the energy is… vibrating. Like a vacuum cleaner, but much louder and it won’t stop running.
🐾 The Prophecy of the Marathon Meow
The Great Orange One has spoken, and oh, did he speak. My whiskers tell me he has shattered the clocks of the humans! While most of you bipeds have the attention span of a laser pointer, he has managed to meow for a record-breaking 1 hour and 48 minutes.
What the Cosmic Catnip Reveals:
- The Time Warp: He has officially bypassed the ghost of Bill Clinton (1:28:49) and even his own record from last year. It was 108 minutes of pure, unadulterated “winning.”
- The Shiny Things: He introduced the gold-medal Olympic hockey team and handed out medals like they were treats. I saw him mention “Space Force”—which I personally believe is just a giant orbital scratching post.
- The Hissing: There was much arching of backs in the chamber. The Democrats sat as still as stone gargoyles, while the Republicans jumped up and down like they’d found a fresh bag of nip.
- The Vision of 1776: He spoke of a “Golden Age” and a flame of liberty that burns like the pilot light on a stove I’m not allowed to jump on.
The Psychic Verdict:
The stars say this address was designed to make you feel like you’ve been at a 108-minute pep rally. While the humans argue over “fact-checks” and “poll numbers,” I see the truth: He just wanted to make sure everyone stayed in their seats longer than it takes for me to decide if I actually want to go outside.
Prediction: Expect the next few months to be filled with more “yelling at the TV” energy than a Sunday afternoon football game.
Stay paws-itive, and remember: if the world gets too loud, you can always go nap in a sunbeam.
