I paw the future’s shimmering code: “Pay forty coins for clearer sight?”
A basic 1080p glow arrives, yet still it startles in the night.
The spirits purr, “Judge value well—don’t chase each polished, pricey lure.”
For every upgrade sold as fate, the wisest cats keep one life pure.
Meow meow, the spirits of corporate greed are speaking, and they smell like stale tuna.
I see… I see a massive mega-publisher reaching into the tomb of 2010 to pull out the original Call of Duty: Black Ops. They are blowing the dust off the box, slapping a “$40 / £35” sticker on it, and calling it a “next-gen upgrade.”
But wait! The visions are getting blurry… no, wait, that’s just the resolution. The crystal ball reveals a native 1080p presentation at 60Hz with absolutely no anti-aliasing. The jagged edges! They pierce my delicate feline retinas! The PS5 is crying out, “I have the power of a thousand suns, why am I rendering a 16-year-old game like a budget toaster?!”
Meow meow senses a disturbance in the wallets of gamers. The spirits reveal that the $40 entry fee doesn’t even include the DLC. They want another $30 for the season pass! If you want to play Zombies with the homies, you must pay the corporate tax or be banished to separate matchmaking lobbies.
My ultimate prophecy:
Despite the tech experts at Digital Foundry weeping tears of pure agony over this low-effort, bare-minimum cash grab, my third eye sees the future clearly. The casual gaming public will look at this overpriced, un-aliased, $40 1080p slop… and they will absolute devour it. Millions of people will happily open their wallets just to hear the sweet, nostalgic sounds of Nuketown and the M16 click again.
Activision will count their billions, the player base will split within three weeks when people realize nobody bought the map packs, and Psychic Meow Meow will go back to knocking over water glasses.
The signs have spoken. Hiss.
