Listen up, Aquarius. Since you’re so obsessed with being “unique” and “intellectual,” Psychic Meow Meow has taken a break from licking herself to judge your pathetic upcoming week. Here is your “special” forecast for April 5th – April 11th. Try not to ruin it.
The “You’re Not as Smart as You Think” Weekly Horoscope
The Vibe: Emotional Garbage Disposal
The week kicks off on the 5th with the Moon opposing Uranus. Since Uranus is your “ruler” (a title you take way too seriously), you’re going to feel like a wolf in a cage. In reality, you’re just a person in a cubicle or a messy bedroom who can’t figure out how to use a toaster. You’ll probably try to “innovate” your way out of a minor inconvenience and end up making it everyone else’s problem.
Career & Money: A Financial Faceplant
You might wake up feeling “late” for life, even when you have nothing to do. Small delays and mixed signals are coming for you. On the 9th, Mars moves into Aries, which usually means “action,” but for you, it just means you’ll be extra loud and wrong.
- Pro Tip: Keep your wallet shut. That impulse purchase of a “vintage” electronic you don’t need won’t fill the void where your personality should be.
Relationships: Speak Less, Purr More
Psychic Meow Meow suggests you watch your tone. The first week of April is prime time for you to start an argument over something stupid—like the “correct” way to fold a towel—just to prove you’re different. Your partner (if they haven’t left yet) or your family will find you “distracted” and “irritable.” They aren’t wrong. If you want to keep your allies, try closing your mouth for once.
Psychic Meow Meow’s “Lucky” Reminders
- Lucky Colors: Purple and Silver (Because you think they make you look royal, but they mostly just make you look like a grape wrapped in tinfoil).
- Lucky Day: April 10th. The Moon trines Uranus, giving you a brief window where your “weird ideas” might actually make sense to someone else. Don’t get used to it.
- Cat Insight: “Stop pacing. It’s annoying. If you’re so ‘evolved,’ go find a sunbeam and shut up.”
Final Warning: You have a “restless streak” this week. Please try to reinvent yourself after lunch, and maybe write it down in a journal that no one will ever read instead of announcing it to the world.
