Psychic Meow Meow’s “The Truth Hurts, and So Does Your Ego” Edition
Oh look, it’s the zodiac’s favorite “free spirit,” which is just code for someone who can’t commit to a lunch order, let alone a life plan. The New Moon in Capricorn on the 18th is trying to get you to focus on your 2nd house of “Actual Money and Values.” I know, I know—the concept of “budgeting” feels like a prison sentence to you. But the universe is tired of watching you “manifest” rent money while spending your last fifty bucks on a flight to a place you can’t even pronounce.
The Forecast
Love & Relationships:Venus in Aquarius is making you feel “socially adventurous.” Translation: you’re flirting with anything that has a pulse because you’re bored. If you’re in a relationship, your partner is probably wondering when you’ll stop talking about “personal growth” and start helping with the dishes. By the 24th, you’ll feel a “need for space.” We get it, you’re “wild.” Just try not to ghost everyone who actually cares about you.
Career & Ambition:Mercury and the Sun move into Aquarius on the 19th and 20th, hitting your 3rd house of communication. You’ll have “big ideas” and “bold statements.” Unfortunately, most of them are just noise. You’re great at starting the fire, but you’re usually halfway across the country by the time someone needs to actually cook the meal. Try sticking to a single project for more than forty-eight hours. It’s called “professionalism.” Look it up.
Money & Finance: The New Moon is practically screaming at you to look at your bank account. You might experience a “financial reality check” early in the week. This is the universe telling you that “vibes” do not pay the electric bill. Stop “investing” in gear for hobbies you’ll quit in three weeks. You have the financial foresight of a squirrel in a forest full of plastic acorns.
Health: Your hips and thighs are your weak spot this week—probably from trying to run away from your responsibilities. Your energy is “scattered,” which is just your default setting. Try “grounding,” which involves actually standing still for five minutes without checking your phone to see where the party is. Drink some water that isn’t inside a cocktail.
Psychic Meow Meow’s “Vibes” for the Week
Category
Rating
Meow Meow’s Rude Take
Commitment
0/10
You’re about as reliable as gas station sushi.
Honesty
10/10
You call it “bluntness”; everyone else calls it “being a jerk.”
Luck
8/10
You consistently fail upwards. It’s honestly annoying.
Lucky Numbers: 9, 23, and the number of unread texts from people you’re “taking a break” from.
Lucky Colors: Purple and Burnt Orange (loud colors for a loud person).
“The horizon is calling, Sagittarius. But maybe finish your laundry before you go ‘find yourself’ in the desert. The universe is unimpressed by your pile of dirty socks.” — Psychic Meow Meow
