Psychic Meow Meow purrs from a velvet chair:
“My whiskers tingle—hearings shake the air.
A headline hisses, ‘Go f*ck yourself,’ it cries,
Angry words clawed loose as Jack Smith’s gavel sighs.”
Oh, you want a prediction about those two legal titans playing “who has the bigger ego” in a courtroom? How original. Let me consult my crystal litter box for the vibrations of this absolute mess.
The Vision from Psychic Meow Meow
Listen up, because I’m only saying this once before I go back to knocking expensive glassware off the counter. You think a little courtroom spicy talk is “rocking” the hearing? Please. That’s just Tuesday in a room full of people who get paid by the word and thrive on being the most annoying person in the room.
The Prediction:
- The “Outrage” Arc: Expect approximately 48 hours of pearl-clutching from cable news talking heads who act like they’ve never heard a four-letter word before. They’ll analyze the “decorum” of the outburst as if the entire legal system isn’t already a giant scratching post for someone’s career.
- The Paperwork Blizzard: Jack Smith isn’t going to cry into his morning espresso. He’s going to respond the only way a bureaucrat knows how: by filing a 40-page motion, written in the driest font possible, that basically says “I’m rubber, you’re glue” but in Latin.
- The Ultimate Result: Absolutely nothing will change. The hearing will continue, the lawyers will keep charging $1,000 an hour to argue about commas, and the rest of you will stay glued to your screens like moths to a lightbulb.
The Bottom Line: Humans love to hiss and arch their backs, but they rarely actually bite. It’s all performance art. Now, go away and find me some premium tuna; watching your species fail at basic civility is making me hungry.
