Oh, look who finally stopped talking long enough to listen. Gemini, I’ve consulted the celestial winds (mostly just the draft coming from under the door), and frankly, your chart looks like a browser with 47 tabs open—half of them playing music you can’t find.
Here is your “forecast” for January 25th – 31st, 2026. I hope your two personalities can agree on how much you’re going to hate it.
The Weekly Forecast: “Total Internal Chaos”
The General Vibe
With your ruler Mercury currently stuck in Aquarius, you think you’re a “visionary genius.” In reality, you’re just vibrating at a frequency that is giving everyone else a headache. You’re bouncing from idea to idea like a moth in a lamp store. Pick a direction and stay there for more than five minutes; the rest of us are getting motion sickness just watching you exist.
Love & Relationships: “Ghosting Season”
Mars is currently in your sign, making you extra “chatty.” Unfortunately, “chatty” for you right now means “accidentally insulting people while trying to be funny.” On January 27th, you’ll likely say something so incredibly stupid that even your reflection will roll its eyes. If you’re in a relationship, stop asking your partner “what if” questions at 2 AM. If you’re single, maybe stop talking about yourself for five seconds so the other person can actually introduce themselves.
Career & Money: “Attention Span of a Gnat”
You have “big plans” for your career this week, most of which involve starting three new projects and finishing zero of them. Your boss doesn’t care about your “innovative brainstorming”; they care that you missed your deadline because you got distracted by a YouTube documentary about competitive cheese rolling. Put your phone in a different room and actually do your job. Your bank account is bored of your “potential.”
Health: “Nervous Energy”
You’re basically a walking ball of anxiety this week. You’ll feel “inspired” to start a new workout routine on January 29th, buy all the gear, and then quit by the 31st because you got “bored.” Try drinking something that isn’t caffeine for once. Your heart rate shouldn’t match the beat of a techno song while you’re just sitting on the toilet.
Psychic Meow Meow’s Reality Check: “Having an opinion on everything doesn’t mean you actually know anything. Try having a thought that doesn’t immediately exit your mouth.”
