Psychic Meow Meow’s “You’re Not as Special as You Think” Edition
Listen up, you “aloof weirdos.” It’s officially your season starting on the 19th, but don’t let it go to your ego—it’s already big enough to have its own gravitational pull. Here is your forecast. Try to pay attention, if you can stop staring at your own reflection in your dual-monitor setup for five seconds.
The Forecast
Love & Relationships: With the New Moon hitting your house of “hiding from your problems” on the 18th, you’re feeling extra distant. Your partner is probably wondering if you’ve joined a cult or just forgotten they exist. By midweek, Venus is in your sign, making you “charming,” but we all know it’s just a tactic to get your way. Try “communication”—it’s that thing where you use words instead of just sending a cryptic meme and disappearing for three days.
Career & Ambition:Mercury and Sun are entering your sign on the 19th and 20th, which means you’ll have a lot of “innovative ideas.” Translation: you’re going to annoy your coworkers with “disruptive” suggestions that actually just make everyone’s job harder. Mars joins the party on the 23rd, giving you the energy to actually do work. Shocking, I know. Try to focus on one project instead of starting ten and finishing zero.
Money & Finance: The stars say “financial pressure” early in the week. Maybe stop “investing” in vintage tech and obscure crypto coins you found on a forum at 3 AM. Jupiter offers a tiny bit of luck midweek, but that’s not an invitation to buy a boat. Check your bank account—it’s the app with the numbers that make you sad.
Health: Your ankles and legs are your weak spot this week. Probably from pacing around while overthinking things that haven’t happened yet. Meditation is suggested, but we know you’ll just sit there thinking about how much better you are at meditating than everyone else. Just drink some water and go to sleep.
Psychic Meow Meow’s “Vibes” for the Week
Category
Rating
Meow Meow’s Rude Take
Luck
2/10
Don’t walk under ladders. Or out of the house.
Social
8/10
Unfortunately, people want to talk to you. Gross.
Energy
4/10
You’re like a phone battery that stays at 12% all day.
Lucky Numbers: 4, 22, and the number of unread emails you’re ignoring.
Lucky Colors: Electric Blue (to match your cold, robotic heart) and Silver.
“The universe has a plan for you, Aquarius. It’s mostly just laughing at your ‘unique’ fashion choices, but it’s a plan nonetheless.” — Psychic Meow Meow
