Psychic Meow Meow’s “One Brain Cell at a Time” Edition
Oh, look, it’s the zodiac’s favorite chatterbox. The New Moon in Capricorn hits on the 18th in your 8th house of “other people’s business and deep-seated trauma.” You’re probably feeling all “introspective” and “deep,” which is just a fancy way of saying you’re overthinking everything and annoying your friends with 2:00 AM texts about the meaning of life.
The Forecast
Love & Relationships: The week starts with “communication gaps.” Translation: you’re talking, but nobody’s listening because you haven’t stopped for air in twenty minutes. By midweek, things get “intense” as Venus hits Pluto. If you’re partnered, try to have a conversation that doesn’t involve bringing up a mistake they made in 2019. If you’re single, you might attract someone “intellectually stimulating,” or more likely, someone just as chaotic as you are. Good luck with that.
Career & Ambition:Mercury (your ruler) and Sun enter Aquarius on the 19th and 20th, moving into your house of “expanding horizons.” You’ll have a million “innovative ideas.” Too bad you’ll probably only finish half of one. Midweek is great for “strategic planning,” which for you means making a very colorful to-do list and then losing it under a pile of half-read books. Try to focus on one priority. I know, it’s a terrifying concept.
Money & Finance: Financial clarity is supposedly improving, but Mars and Mercury in your 8th house suggest you’ve been spending like you’ve won the lottery. Check your bank account; those “smart investments” in vintage tech and obscure subscriptions are starting to look like a bad idea. Stop “speculating” and start “budgeting.” It’s that thing adults do with their money so they can still afford rent.
Health: You’re prone to “mental restlessness” and “nervous exhaustion.” Your brain is basically a browser with 47 tabs open, and 3 of them are playing music you can’t find. Grounding is recommended, but you’ll probably just drink more coffee and wonder why you can’t sleep. Try a breathing exercise—and no, “talking faster” does not count as a breathing exercise.
Psychic Meow Meow’s “Vibes” for the Week
Category
Rating
Meow Meow’s Rude Take
Focus
2/10
SQUIRREL!
Gossip
10/10
You know everything about everyone. It’s a bit much.
Decisiveness
1/10
You couldn’t pick a lunch spot if your life depended on it.
Lucky Numbers: 5, 21, and the number of tabs currently open on your phone.
Lucky Colors: Sky Blue and Light Yellow (colors for people who can’t pick one).
“The stars say you’re due for a breakthrough, Gemini. But knowing you, you’ll probably just break a glass or a relationship instead. Try to stay focused.” — Psychic Meow Meow
