Weekly Horoscope: Leo (May 17 – 23)
The Moon is in your sign early this week, which unfortunately means your ego is reaching critical mass. Try not to block out the actual sun.
Oh, look who decided to grace the universe with their presence. It’s Leo, the sign that thinks a “collaboration” is just a group of people standing around watching you breathe. This week, the stars are trying to tell you that you aren’t the center of the solar system, but I know you’re just going to interpret that as “the stars are jealous of my radiance.”
The Outlook
- Career: You’re convinced you’re the “visionary” of the office, but everyone else just sees someone who spends more time picking the right font for a presentation than actually putting data in it. This week, try doing a task that doesn’t involve a round of applause at the end. Your coworkers don’t need a “performance”; they need you to stop “delegating” your basic responsibilities to the interns.
- Love: Your “grand gestures” are starting to feel like a hostage situation. If you’re in a relationship, your partner wants a conversation, not a monologue about how great your hair looked in that one photo from three years ago. If you’re single, maybe stop treating first dates like an audition for your backup dancers.
- Finances: You’re spending money like you have a royal treasury, but your bank account is giving “village peasant.” That designer accessory won’t make you look wealthy; it just makes you look like someone who can’t pay their electric bill on time.
Psychic Meow Meow’s “Prediction”
“I see a spotlight in your future! Oh, wait—no, that’s just a flashlight being held by someone looking for the remote you sat on. Sit down and be humble, though we both know you’ll have to look up the definition of that word first.”
Lucky Color: Gold-Plated Plastic (Shiny on the outside, cheap and hollow on the inside—just like your latest ‘big idea’). Lucky Number: 1 (Because that is literally the only number you care about, in every possible context).
Final Thought: If you want someone to worship you, get a dog. I’m a cat, and I can tell you right now: we’re all unimpressed. Meow.
